cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies

Episode 502: "No Comparisons"

Now that he's President of the Alliance, Sheridan decides to trade Ivonova for Tracy Scoggins, who shows up and immediately starts ordering everyone around. At lunch, she gets a fortune cookie that says "You will meet a mysterious stranger with long hair and a British accent". Since she's heard that Marcus is dead, she ignores it, until Byron shows up. Since he's a dangerous telepath, she agrees to meet him, alone, in an isolated section of the station.

Meanwhile, somebody has sent Sheridan a dead ranger, so he has the computer look up all of his old girlfriends, in case any of them has a grudge against him. Then he has his first fight with Delenn, because he still wants to be President and he leaves his socks hanging in the bathroom. So, he goes and sees G'Kar, who refuses to loan him any books, but does agree to write some jokes for his opening monologue.

By this time, Lochley has gone to meet Byron, but it turns out that he has tricked her, and shows up with a group of unarmed civilians. Of course, she's also tricked him, and shows up with a heavily armed security force. He asks if they can crash at her place for awhile, since they had a big fight with their parents. One of the telepaths, Simon, takes over her mind and makes her think about flowers, so she decides not to kill them and smiles instead.

The telepaths all show up at MedLab, but since they don't have any insurance, Dr. Franklin makes them leave, except for Simon who has to crawl around in the ventilation ducts instead. When he hears a music box, he decides that it must be the killer so he reads his mind and sees the episode promo. He's so scared he makes a noise, so the killer decides to move, but since he shoots up the place first, he has to forfeit his security deposit.

Just as Sheridan is about to be killed, Simon shows up to warn him, but can't get in because he hasn't got an invitation. Fortunately, he yells "No!", so several security guards get killed instead of Sheridan. Everyone is happy to find out the Simon can talk, but then he dies. As Dr. Franklin says "Oh my God, they killed Simon", the killer escapes and Sheridan decides to go to the party anyway.

They move the party into room that doesn't have dead bodies in it, and G'Kar shows Sheridan this book he's made by cutting up everyone else's holy books. When he decides to start reading from it, everyone leaves and the killer steals a ship so he can shoot them. Garibaldi saves them, but G'Kar decides to go eat, since there's nobody left to read to.

Byron tells Sheridan that Lochley said the telepaths can't stay, because they're all sleeping on her couch and eating all of her food. Sheridan tells them they can stay anyway, which annoys Lochley, so he promotes Garibaldi, which annoys her even more.

Next Episode...

Episode 503: "The Very Spicy Flarn of Londo Mollari"

in which Londo gets a bad case of heartburn and spends the entire night afraid that G'Kar might decide to keep him company and read to him.