cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies


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Episode 513: "The Ragged Edge of Night"

Delenn tells Sheridan that they're late for a council meeting, but Sheridan says he can't go yet because he still has all of these autographs to sign. He asks her to stall them for a few minutes. She says she will, but remarks that she hopes they don't get bored and decide to attack Earth or something.

Later, Sheridan rushes into the council chamber, only to find that Delenn is the only one there. She tells them that the Alliance members apparently actually did get bored, so they've gone to attack Earth. Sheridan is upset, but Delenn points out that it was either that or play another rousing game of "Pin-the-hump-on-the-Pak'Ma'Ra", so she can understand their decision.

Sheridan says that he can't really blame them, because peace can be terribly boring. He goes on to say that what they really need is a witness to the mysterious alien attacks, so that they finally have someone to blame and can go ahead and get that new war started. Unfortunately, the mysterious aliens never leave any witnesses.

Oddly enough, at that very moment, somewhere in the depths of space, the mysterious aliens attack a transport, and the pilot escapes in a life pod.

Back on Baylon 5, Londo and G'Kar have returned from Centauri Prime. Londo tells G'Kar that he used to really look forward to leaving Babylon 5, but he doesn't seem to enjoy it quite so much anymore, probably because G'Kar goes with him now.

Every Narn that they pass stares at G'Kar, which makes him wonder if his pants are undone, or maybe he has some spoo between his teeth.

In Garibaldi's quarters, he wakes up to hear an incoming message on BabCom. It's Zack calling to tell him that it's after ten in the morning, and he missed his 8 o'clock class. Garibaldi says he thinks he might be coming down with a cold or something. As he signs off, Zack mentions that Garibaldi might want to clean up the empty whiskey bottles lying around the floor, or else someone may think he's started drinking again.

Later, in Sheridan's office, it has been decided that Garibaldi will go to the Drazi home world to try and find the transport pilot. Sheridan wants Franklin to go too, but Garibaldi wants to go alone, partially because his contact won't trust anyone but him, but mainly because he's afraid Franklin will want to do the cooking.

As G'Kar approaches his quarters, there are Narns bowing to him from every side. When he gets there, he is surprised to see Ta'Lon waiting for him, and even more surprised by the "In Memory of G'Kar" plaque that's on his door. Ta'Lon explains that when he went to Centauri Prime with Londo, no one knew what had happened, so they had him declared legally dead and auctioned off everything he owned. He goes on to say that the book that G'Kar had been writing has now been published as The Book of G'Kar and the auction was a smashing success. In fact, he was able to get a really good deal on some of G'Kar's cookware.

Ta'Lon tells G'Kar that The Book of G'Kar has already outsold 101 Vorlon Chat-up Lines, and it looks as though it will even out sell the Little Shadow's Book of Dirty Limericks. Unfortunately, though, the movie version isn't doing very well.

As Garibaldi is about to leave for the Drazi home world, Franklin catches up with him and asks if there is some personal reason Garibaldi didn't want him along. Garibaldi assures him that there isn't, but does ask him to stand a little further away so that people won't think they're friends. Franklin reminds him that if there's ever anything that he needs, just to ask, so Garibaldi asks if he can borrow £10. Since Franklin won't loan him the money, he leaves.

Elsewhere, Londo is having a drink when G'Kar shows up with a group of followers, who all want to know how The Book of G'Kar would've been different if Sinclair hadn't left. Londo asks about the book, so G'Kar explains that the reason the book is so popular is that it has lots of useful expressions for insulting Centauri. Londo decides not to read it, because he already knows most of them.

When G'Kar asks about the next council meeting, Londo tells him that it's been postponed, because they wanted to try out some new CGI shots instead.

Several CGI shots later, on the Drazi home world, a bellhop shows Garibaldi to his room and as a traditional Drazi sign of respect, throws his luggage around a bit before leaving. While Garibaldi's looking out at the city, he hears the door open behind him. It turns out to be his old friend Tafiq, who decided to see if he could sneak up behind him and get shot.

Tafiq says that doing security work for the Drazi pays really well, but the colour restrictions for his uniforms can get be a bit severe. He goes on to say that he has a lot of free time to watch Babylon 5, so he's pretty much kept up with Garibaldi's career.

Tafiq tells Garibaldi that the pilot is desperate to get off the planet, partly because everyone is trying to kill him, but mostly to avoid paying the manditory 30 percent Drazi gratuity.

Garibaldi asks Tafiq why the streets are so narrow, but he starts rambling about architecture and fashion, so Garibaldi starts drinking again, while Tafiq talks some more about buttons, women's blouses and balcony size.

Meanwhile on Babylon 5, we see Franklin sitting down to eat, when he gets an urgent message from Earthdome.

Back on the Drazi home world, while we were watching Franklin, Garibaldi and Tafiq had enough time to get thoroughly pissed. Tafiq decides to go out and get some pizza, but he can't because he gets shot as soon as he leaves the room. Fortunately, the noise doesn't disturb Garibaldi's sleep.

Later, Garibaldi wakes up when he realises that Tafiq never came back with the pizza. When he leaves his room, Garibaldi sees a Drazi trying to help Tafiq, so he throws him off the balcony. Garibaldi swears to avenge his dead friend, but Tafiq says he's not quite dead yet but thanks anyway. With his dying breath, Tafiq tells Garibaldi where the pilot is and tells him that he'll have to get his own pizza.

As Garibaldi runs through the streets avoiding the police, he hears the pilot scream and gets there just in time to get beaten up by several cloaked figures, only to find that the pilot is dead. When he hears the police, he runs away so that they'll think he's the killer.

Back on Babylon 5, Delenn receives a collect call from Garibaldi. She's upset to see that he's badly hurt, but even more upset that he could've saved her up to 44 percent. He tells her he's wanted by the Drazi police for a couple of murders, so she asks him if he wants her to abuse her personal power by sending a White Star to help him escape justice. He says yes thanks.

Meanwhile, G'Kar is in his quarters, hiding from his new followers. When Ta'Lon shows up, G'Kar tells him to go away, but then he draws his sword, so G'Kar has to let him stay until he cuts his hand again. Ta'Lon says that G'Kars followers just want him to say a few words so that they can twist them to mean whatever they want and throw them back at him later and split off to form splinter groups and eventually wage terrible and bloody holy wars in his name, but not to worry because he'll be dead by then.

G'Kar asks Ta'Lon what if he's not dead by then, but Ta'Lon promises to kill him so he agrees to talk to them.

Later, in Sheridan's office, Garibaldi tells Sheridan, Delenn and G'Kar what happened on the Drazi home world. He's just gotten to the part where he's singing with a lampshade on his head, when Sheridan asks him to get to the point, so he skips ahead to the part where he single-handedly fought off 20 heavily armed men in cloaks. He goes on to tell them that the pilot died before telling him anything, but that he did manage to pull a button off of the clothing of one of the men, and that it would look simply stunning on his dress uniform.

Just then, Londo shows up. He notices the button and asks Garibaldi where he got it, but Garibaldi cleverly lies and says that he absolutely did not get it from some mysterious cloaked men on the Drazi home world no way honest. Londo points out that it says "Kiss me, I'm Centauri", but goes on to say that Garibaldi should in no way feel obligated by that.

Later, Sheridan, Delenn, G'Kar and Garibaldi hold their weekly secret meeting to talk about Londo behind his back. Given the seriousness of the current situation, they agree to bypass the usual remarks about his hair and go straight to the bit about the attacks on Alliance ships. They don't think he's involved, but they can't decide whether or not to tell him about them, until G'Kar says they shouldn't because the look on his face would be that much funnier when he does find out.

Meanwhile, in MedLab, Dr. Franklin has come to a serious decision. After thinking about it for a long time, and consulting several experts at Earthdome, he has finally decided that yes he will in fact miss Babylon 5 if he ever leaves it. He goes on to make a note to that effect in his log, just in case.

In the Sanctuary, G'Kar tries to explain to a group of followers that they should embrace the differences of other races, but they keep misunderstanding him and asking if he's advocating some sort of kinky alien sex.

Before G'Kar can explain further, one of the followers asks him how his headache helps him commune with the Universe. When G'Kar insists that he doesn't have a headache, the follower points out that he clearly wrote in The Book of G'Kar about having a headache and so he must therefore always have a headache.

Oddly enough, G'Kar finds that the longer he talks to his followers, the more true that becomes. Odder still, he found that slamming the follower's face in The Book of G'Kar seemed to make his headache go away. Unfortunately, he doesn't get a chance to explain this because his followers are too busy practising the new "Holy Ritual of the Slamming of the Book" to listen.

In Sheridan's office, Franklin stops by to tell him that since the remastering of the pilot episode, they've decided to put in more connections with those early characters, so he's going to be taking over for Dr. Benjamin Kyle, the doctor from the pilot episode, as the Head of Xenobiological Research, as of 1 January, 2263. Sheridan's upset at first, but then he realises that it'll be after the series has ended anyway, so what does it matter.

However, he does suggest that Franklin calls Garibaldi about it, just to keep that thread going.

Later, in Garibaldi's quarters, Dr. Franklin calls but since Garibaldi's passed out, he gets his answering machine, which says that he isn't home right now, but he's definitely not drinking because he doesn't drink any more so don't even think about it. Leave a message at the bleep.


Next Episode...

Episode 514: "The Corps is Mother, The Corps is Father. Now Clean your Room!"

in which Bester trains some new recruits, a crazed killer stalks Psi Cops, and Garibaldi gets one last chance for revenge before the NBA break.


Previous Episode...

Episode 512: "Manics Rising"

in which the mysterious aliens take a break from attacking, Bester tries to capture Byron, and Sheridan decides that maybe Garibaldi isn't so important to the scheme of things after all.


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