cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies


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Episode 512: "Manics Rising"

Lochley forgot to tell Bester that she already recapped what's happened so far this season, so he goes over it again. While Bester explains how harmless the rogue telepaths are, we see some Psi Cops chasing a defenseless rogue down a corridor, where they are ambushed and slaughtered by some harmless rogues with high-powered weapons.

Bester goes on to say that he expects that some of the rogues will be killed, but he doesn't want anyone to exceed their limit for the season. He then reminds everyone that the Corps is Mother, the Corps is Father, and Byron is a very naughty boy, but adds that he wants the rogues brought in alive so that they can be sent to their rooms without dinner.

Just as Bester finishes briefing the other Psi Cops, Lochley walks in and tells him that she thinks he's enjoying hunting down the rogues. He says he doesn't, he merely enjoys being good at what he does, and that the look of stark terror on their faces as he corners them is just a bonus. He tells her that she should enjoy it too, since it gives her lots of people to yell at.

Lochley says that she realises why Psi Corps is necessary, but she doesn't like seeing the rogues hunted down like dogs. Bester tells her that she doesn't have to watch, but that as long as the rogues insist on acting like dogs, they'll be treated like dogs, at least until he runs out of collars and chew-toys. He goes on to say that no matter what, the rogues are still telepaths and that means they're on the same side, and eventually he'll convince them of that and they can all hunt and kill mundanes together instead.

As the transport tube doors open, Lochley and Bester are startled to see a dead Psi Cop hanging from the wall. Bester comments that he really hates it when they do that, and Lochley tells him that she used to hate it when her cat brought her dead birds and mice too, but that this would be much worse.

In Sheridan's office, Byron has just called to say that he's really really sorry about all of the people that his telepaths have killed, but if Sheridan will get rid of the Psi Cops, he knows that this time he can stop the violence. Sheridan isn't impressed with Byron's track record so far, but he's considering it when Bester charges in.

Bester insists that Byron can't be trusted, because he borrowed £2 from Bester once and never paid it back. Bester tells Byron that no matter what, it's over for him and his group and that there's no way out, but Byron says that there is a way. When Bester asks him what is he going to do, kill himself or something, Byron hangs up.

Now Sheridan can't decide who to be more angry at, Byron or Bester. He tells Bester that he was close to setting up a dialogue with Byron, but Bester says that he doesn't believe in dialogues, and goes on to say that dialogues are just something parents tell kids about to frighten them out of becoming diplomats.

After Bester leaves, Sheridan asks Lochley if she's seen Garibaldi. She says that she seems to recall yelling at him a few episodes ago, but that she's pretty sure that she remembered to let him out of the brig. Sheridan says that he's worried, because the only thing more dangerous than Garibaldi when he's loud, is Garibaldi when he's hiding in Bester's quarters with a loaded PPG.

In his quarters, Bester finds that Garibaldi is in fact hiding there with a loaded PPG. Garibaldi tells Bester that he wants a full confession about everything that was done to him. Bester asks whether Garibaldi means the part where his mind was reprogrammed so that he would turn against his friends and betray Sheridan, or the part where he was used to infiltrate a conspiracy against the Psi Corps.

Garibaldi realises that he forgot to start the recorder, but Bester refuses to confess again, because his contract calls for all scenes to be shot in a single take. Garibaldi threatens to shoot him, but Bester says that he can't be killed because he's booked to return in episode 514. Garibaldi says he's thought about it a lot and he doesn't care if he gets written out of the series or even thrown out of the Screen Actors Guild, as long as Bester is dead.

Garibaldi tries to pull the trigger, but it won't budge. Bester asks how stupid does Garibaldi really think he is, but instead of waiting to hear the answer, he goes on to say that he had the most important two laws of Newton's Three Laws of Motion implanted in Garibaldi's brain. He then quotes the first law, leaving Garibaldi wondering which is more confusing: trying to figure out what Newton's Laws of Motion have to do with anything, or trying to figure out why Bester has such poor math skills.

Meanwhile, Byron tells Lyta that he can't understand why the other telepaths keep resorting to violence. Lyta tells him that he can't change human nature, but he thinks that he could, if he just had the proper Vorlon technology. Lyta asks him what Bester meant earlier about the money that Byron never paid back, but he doesn't want to answer, so she insists.

Byron finally admits to her that he used to be a Psi Cop, but that she probably couldn't see it in his mind before, because he had been faking. He says that Bester bet him £2 that he wouldn't destroy a transport full of innocent mundanes, and he did. So Bester actually owes him the money, and not the other way around. He adds that when Bester wouldn't pay him, he left the Psi Corps and swore that we would never again let innocents be harmed, or be swindled on another wager.

In Medlab, Garibaldi shows up and asks Franklin what he knows about the Laws of Motion, but Franklin only gets as far as telling him that he thinks a couple of episode names later in the season have something to do with them, when suddenly the armed telepaths charge in and take everyone hostage. Once they realise who Garibaldi is, they decide to call Sheridan and Lochley, so that if Sheridan won't pay to save him, maybe Lochley would pay to have him killed.

Byron and Lyta watch, with the other telepaths, as the leader of the armed group issues a list of demands. If their demands are not met within two hours, they'll begin killing the hostages, and once the hostages are all dead, they'll start singing that song again.

Byron asks Lyta to help him find a way to get to MedLab, partly because he doesn't want more innocent people killed in his name, but mainly because he doesn't want to lose another £2.

Meanwhile, some of the telepaths want the telekinetic, Peter, to guard the hallway, because they don't want to have to go to the trouble of throwing things manually. Franklin says that they can't take Peter out of MedLab because his insurance claim hasn't come back yet, but they take him anyway, shoot at Franklin a bit, and threaten to kill some hostages. Peter manages to keep Security away from MedLab because they think it's haunted.

Back in Sheridan's office, Bester is telling Sheridan and Lochley that he told them so. Sheridan says he's been getting that a lot lately. Bester points out that EarthGov has given him jurisdiction so he can handle the situation any way he wants, and that right now he wants to handle it by calling up MedLab and taunting the telepaths until they kill Garibaldi.

Lochley tells Sheridan that she hates that song as much as anyone, but do they really want to give in to terrorists?

In MedLab, time is almost up when Sheridan appears on the monitor. He says that he will not negotiate with them for Garibaldi's release. He goes on to say that they can kill Garibaldi a hundred times, or even torture him, and it won't make any difference at all. They have ten minutes to surrender, or Security will storm MedLab and kill everyone.

As the leader raises his PPG, Garibaldi wonders if maybe Sheridan was holding a grudge after all. Just as the leader is about to fire, he is shot and killed by Byron, who, thanks to Lyta's Vorlon enhanced abilities, was able to crawl through a narrow passage, find a PPG and save the day at the last possible moment.

Back in Sheridan's office, he's worried because the deadline is almost up. He tells Lochley that Garibaldi is the only member of the the command structure who was in the original pilot episode, and that in spite of being shot, stabbed, beaten up, folded, spindled and mutilated, Garibaldi has somehow managed to survive longer and betray Sheridan more thoroughly than anyone else.

Suddenly Lochley's link beeps, saving her from more lengthy "Garibaldi" anecdotes. It's a message from MedLab. When she answers the call, she and Sheridan are both surprised to see Byron. He says that the hostage problem has been solved, but that there still may be singing, unless he is given a chance to try to end things peacefully. Since Garibaldi's life no longer depends on it, they decide to give in to Byron's demands.

Later, Bester charges in to Sheridan's office. He is outraged that they made a deal with Byron, but Sheridan says that EarthGov gave them jurisdiction after they asked pretty please with sugar on top. He adds that Byron and the violent telepaths will be placed in custody, and the rest will be free to leave the station, but that Bester and the Psi Corps will not be involved. Bester says that he'll see about that, but nobody seems to notice, even with the ominous music.

Meanwhile, the telepaths are all hugging each other "goodbye" when Bester contacts Byron telepathically. He promises to pay Byron the money he owes, but Byron says it's too late for that now. Bester reminds him that the Corps in Mother, the Corps is Father, and he didn't do all of his chores, so he has to go back. Byron says no, but when Bester asks him what's he going to do, kill himself, he breaks contact again. Bester decides maybe he should stop asking that question.

Later, Byron and the militant telepaths are surrendering, when Bester and his Psi Cops show up and demand custody of the prisoners. One of the telepaths panics and starts shooting. In addition to the telepaths and Security personnel who get shot, someone hits a valve marked "Danger: Contents are flammable and terribly explosive" and the liquid begins flooding the deck, but no one notices until Byron gets shot in the arm.

Byron says he's had worse, but everyone stops shooting so he can make a speech anyway. He tells Bester that he didn't want it to end like this, but there's too much blood. Sheridan points out that it isn't blood, it's just petrol, but Byron says Sheridan should pay attention in case he ever has to do this too.

Byron asks Lyta if she remembers when he told her that she was his Willow. She says she remembers, so he tells her that now he wants her to make like a tree and leave. She doesn't want to go, but he hugs her, so she walks away. When the other telepaths gather around him and start singing, Byron decides that he doesn't really care for that song either, so he fires into the petrol and blows them all up instead.

Later, as the bodies are being cleared away, Sheridan angrily asks Bester if he's happy. Bester says he's not exactly happy as such, just reasonably content, but thanks for asking. He goes on to say that he would really rather have captured them alive so that he could take them back and have them reprogrammed like he did Garibaldi.

After Bester leaves, Franklin shows up and ask Sheridan if he's seen Garibaldi. He tells Sheridan that Garibaldi was asking him about the scripts for the last few episodes of the series, and that he's worried that Garibaldi might do something stupid. Sheridan tells Franklin not to worry, that he's probably just taken to drinking again.

In the docking bay, the remaining telepaths are leaving. Lyta tells them that marketing research has shown that "Free Byron" wasn't very effective in their target demographic, so the new slogan will be "Remember Byron".

Meanwhile, in Garibaldi's quarters, he's listening to a news broadcast about the bombing of a Psi Corps base on Mars, while he pours himself a drink and ponders the fact that for every action there is and equal and opposite reaction. As he has another drink, he can't help but wonder if Bester is aware of that particular Law.

Excerpt from the all-telepath production of "The Pirates of Penzance"


Next episode...

Episode 513: "The Ragged Edge of Night"

in which the mysterious aliens leave behind a witness, Garibaldi takes a trip to the Drazi homeworld, and Delenn gets a bizarre late-night phone call.


Previous Episode...

Episode 510: "An Angst of Telegoths"

in which the telepath problem gets worse and the mysterious aliens continue to attack, but G'Kar and Londo have tea and some really lovely biscuits.


cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies and the contents of this page are copyright 1998-2001 C. Scott Davis

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