cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies


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Episode 511: "La Dia De Morden"

Rebo arrives on Babylon 5 and announces that he has nothing to declare except his ego. However, when his bags are searched, they find that he has smuggled Zooty onboard to avoid having to pay for another ticket, but they look so much like Penn and Teller that everyone laughs and customs lets them go.

Lochley asks Sheridan what he knows about the Brakiri. He says he doesn't know much, but Garibaldi points out that if she watched the daily reruns, she would know that they don't like comets.

Outside Londo's quarters a Brakiri door-to-door salesman is trying to sell him a candy skull, but Londo won't buy it because it looks like one of his ex-wives. The Brakiri eventually decides to give him the candy, and tells him that tonight is the Day of the Dead, in order to move the plot along a bit.

Meanwhile, Delenn is in her quarters when Lennier shows up wearing his Ranger's uniform. She's so glad to see him that she hugs him, and he's so glad to see her that he asks her if Sheridan has died yet. She tells him that Sheridan's not dead yet, but that he's at a staff party, which is almost as bad.

At the party, Sheridan is telling everyone that humour is an element and, like helium, it makes people talk in funny high pitched voices. He then gives Rebo and Zooty the freedom to travel anywhere on Babylon 5, even those places where people keep getting beaten up. Rebo and Zooty perform a bit and everyone loves them except Lochley, who decides to go have some children with the Brakiri ambassador instead. G'Kar decides to follow her and find out if some of the rumours he's heard about Brakiri mating rituals are true.

The Brakiri ambassador, Kullenbrak, offers to give her a nifty comet medallion if she'll loan him part of Babylon 5 for the night. She doesn't want to, but he promises to bring it back first thing in the morning. When G'kar realises that they're not going to mate, he crashes in and warns her that the Brakiri religeous festival is dangerous. When she reminds him about the Declaration of Principles, he says he wasn't sure whether he'd written that yet or not, because they moved the episode order around.

Later Sheridan brings Rebo and Zooty to Delenn's quarters to show them how funny it is to watch someone try to sleep at a 45 degree angle. Rebo explains to Sheridan that Minbari humour is based on bad puns, while Zooty tells Delenn a dirty joke in Minbari. Rebo goes on to explain that they've studied the humour of almost all of the alien races, but that they never did understand Shadow humour, all of which seemed to be based on variations of the old "What do you want?" joke.

In C&C, G'Kar catches Corwin pretending to be Rebo and Zooty, but promises not to tell if Corwin will let him sleep there tonight, because his quarters are in the Brakiri area, and he doesn't want to be kept up all night listening to a bunch of boring dead people.

In her quarters, Lochley decides to watch TV, but there's nothing on except endless Rebo and Zooty marathons. Just as she's about to give up and decide that she's going to have to watch one of them, the cable goes out, so she doesn't have to. Before long, however, she begins to realise that something is wrong because her comlink doesn't work and the lights have gone all spooky.

Meanwhile, Londo's had a little too much to drink and he's started talking to a portrait of the first Centauri emperor. Just as he's telling the picture that he thinks the next emporer should be a cat, the lights go out, except for the ghostly red mood lighting. Londo looks out into the corridor, but everything looks okay except for the glowing red gelatin wall, so he goes back in and is surprised to see his old girlfriend Adira, mainly because she's dead. At first, he doesn't believe she's real, but then she kisses him, and he decides that he doesn't care whether she's real or not.

In Garibaldi's room, he wakes up when he hears the shower running, so he looks under his pillow and finds that the tooth fairy left him a gun. He goes into the bathroom and finds a woman, Dodger, there taking a shower. He doesn't know whether to be more surprised by finding a naked woman in his shower or by the fact that she's dead, but either way he decides not to shoot her and gives her his shirt instead. At first he thinks she might be a robot or a clone, but eventually decides that she's really Bester in disguise, which means he must not have ever seen Bester without any clothes on.

Back in her quarters, Lochley is still trying to call Sheridan, but keeps getting a recording. When she turns around, she sees someone who claims to be her dead roommate Zoe, but she doesn't recognise her without the roaches. Finally, Lochley realises that the girl really is Zoe because she needs to use the bathroom.

Meanwhile, Corwin interrupts Zooty's puppet show to tell Sheridan that part of the station is missing. Sheridan tells him to tell Lochley about it because they were about to have dessert and Zooty was going to tell another Minbari joke, but Corwin says that he can't because Captain Lochley is missing too. Sheridan decides that he needs to find the missing piece of the station anyway, so he leaves.

Back in his quarters, Garibaldi is concerned because he doesn't believe in ghosts, but he's relieved to find out that Dodger doesn't either. She tells him that she came back from the dead to give him a new pizza recipe and to tell him that any Emily Dickenson poem can be sung to the tune of "The Yellow Rose of Texas". He doesn't believe her, so she proves it by singing a poem by Edna St. Vincent Millay instead.

In Lennier's quarters, he is dissapointed to find that instead of a dead girlfriend or roommate, he's being visited by Mr. Morden instead. Morden insists that he wasn't really evil, but rather thinks of himself as being the Shadows' version of Rebo and Zooty. Lennier says he wants wisdom, but when Morden reminds him that Delenn will never ever truly love him, he decides he doesn't want to listen any more, and tries to walk through the glowing red gelatin wall.

Sheridan arrives at C&C and tells Corwin that he remembers that Lochley sold part of the station to the Brakiri, so maybe they took it with them. He tells Corwin to try and contact the Brakiri homeworld and to get rid of the silly Rebo and Zooty hat.

Back in Lennier's quarters, he's lying on the floor gasping for breath. Morden tells him that the other side of the corridor is billions and gazillions of light years away. Lennier wonders why Morden saved him, but Morden tells him its just because nobody wants Lennier roaming around the afterlife moping over Delenn. Morden goes on to tell Lennier that one day he's going to eat some bad flarn and get really really sick, oh and by the way he's going to betray the Rangers too.

Meanwhile, Londo and Adira can't figure out whether she's just a dream or has really returned from the dead, but eventually they decide it's just six of one and a half-dozen of the other, so they don't worry about it.

Back in Garibaldi's quarters, Dodger is trying to talk him into having sex with her, but he's more interested in hooking up his new stereo system.

In Sheridan's quarters, Rebo and Zooty are talking to Delenn when Sheridan returns. They explain that they want to quit comedy and start their own Interstellar Alliance because it seems like a lot of fun, but Sheridan tells them that the only reason Babylon 5 exists is to give people something to laugh at. Delenn says that she doesn't think that's exactly what he meant and takes his hand. When Zooty takes his other hand, Sheridan starts worrying about that whole "sacred number" thing all over again.

Suddenly Sheridan's comlink beeps and C&C tells him that Lochley's calling from the Brakiri homeworld. Sheridan's glad to hear from her until he realises that she called collect.

As the night ends, one by one the "visitors" vanish.

Later, Sheridan asks Lochley what happened. She tells him that she thinks that someone must've reconfigured the warp conduit to emit a high-frequency tetrion burst, which caused a temporal anomoly that put the station's holosystem into a state of flux, or to put it another way, she has no idea what happened. She goes on to tell him that Garibaldi thinks the telepaths were behind it, but reminds him that Garibaldi also thinks that the telepaths were on the grassy gnoll in Dallas.

Lochley then tells Sheridan that she has a message for him from someone named Kosh. The message is simply " I told you so".


Next Episode...

Episode 509: "In the Kingdom of the Blithe"

in which Byron crashes an Alliance party, some more mysterious aliens attack and Londo learns that you don't have to be insane to run Centauri Prime but it helps.


Previous Episode...

Episode 508: " Secrets of the Spoo"

in which Dr. Franklin learns an alien spoo recipe, the All-telepath Choir cuts a new album, and Lyta has a frightening encounter with some obsessed "Altered States" fans.


cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies and the contents of this page are copyright 1998-2001 C. Scott Davis

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