cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies


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Episode 510: "An Angst of Telegoths"

(originally titled "Kith and Kin")

When Lochley's alarm goes off, she decides to explain what's happened in the past few episodes, just in case everyone else has forgotten. While she's talking, the editor gets bored and throws in scenes from all over the station...

SCENE: Byron and the telepaths are sitting around talking and waiting for security to show up and kill them.

While Lochley does her morning exercises, she talks about the rumour that the telepaths are going to go on a hunger strike. She goes on to mention that she hates hunger strikes because it's always considered bad form to snack during the negotiations.

SCENE: Sheridan's still trying to get the Drazi to pay for their share of the pizza from a few weeks ago, but the Drazi ambassador insists that by the time he got any of it, there was nothing left but anchovies.

Lochley eats her breakfast while she talks some more about the telepaths and their hunger strike, finishing the last bite just as she mentions that she may eventually have to kill them all. She adds that some of the telepaths may have escaped, in which case she will have to hunt them down before she kills them.

SCENE: G'Kar and Londo are having tea, and playing another rousing hand of Canasta.

Lochley reminds us that G'Kar and Londo are still on Centauri Prime, waiting for the Regent to die, and then she wonders if maybe they would like her to kill him.

SCENE: Lochley enters her office, catching the editor off guard, so he stops. She sits down and tries to remember why she went to her office in the first place, but she can't so she decides to call Bester instead.

Later, Zach explains to Lochley that the maintenance crew keeps trying to cut a hole in the wall, but the telepaths keep repairing it. One of the workers suddenly insists that there is a bomb on the other side of the wall. Zack tells him that there's no bomb, but decides to oversee the operation from a few levels up just in case.

Lochley, seeing the effect that the telepaths had on the worker, walks up to the wall and listens, so that they can take over her mind. She doesn't hear anything, but does suddenly decide that crawling through a maintenance shaft all by herself might be a good idea. Zack tells her that a person would have to be crazy or under telepathic control to do something so dangerous and that she would likely die a horrible gruesome death if she were to try it. He then shows her to the shaft entrance.

On Centauri Prime, Londo is looking over a proposal from G'Kar that the Centauri declare war on themselves. When Londo doesn't go for the idea, G'Kar offers some gardening tips instead, while he eats some spoo. When Londo tells him that fresh spoo is disgusting, and asks where he got it, G'Kar replies that he found it on a tray marked "For the Secret Hidden Narn Prisoner Only".

Londo takes G'Kar to the underground cells for old times sake, but the only available shackles are occupied by Na'Toth. G'Kar asks Na'Toth how she survived, so she flashes back to the second season for a bit. She tells G'Kar that when the ratings of "The Na'Toth Show" went down, they locked her up here.

G'Kar is furious at Londo because he never got to see the show before it was cancelled. Londo starts to explain about demographics and ratings points, but gets sidetracked into talking about gardening again, so G'Kar just growls at him instead.

Back on Babylon 5, Zack shows Lochley the maintenance shaft that leads to the telepaths. Lochley tells Zack that if she's not back in an hour, he should seal up the entrance. When Zack starts welding immediately, Lochley commends him for his enthusiasm, but asks him to wait until the hour is up first.

Zach offers Lochley his PPG, but she says she'll be outnumbered anyway, so one PPG won't really make a difference. So he explains that it was actually for her, in case she got claustrophobic.

In Sheridan's office, Garibaldi tells Sheridan about Lochley's plan, and adds that she's either got guts or she's crazy. Sheridan points out that the two don't have to be mutually exclusive, but that he plans to talk to her about it later, if the telepaths don't kill her.

Sheridan is upset because he's been reading the newsgoups, so Garibaldi reminds him that people are mainly interested in wars; the Minbari War, the Shadow War, the Cola War... He says that at some level people just want to see things blow up, so Sheridan wonders if maybe the people from the newsgroups are the ones behind the mysterious alien attacks.

Meanwhile, Lochley crawls through the shaft, singing "You are my Lucky Star", under her breath. When she gets to the end (of the crawlspace, not the song), three telepaths take her to see Byron. Lochley tells him what's going on outside, and explains that there isn't any way whatsoever that they have even the tiniest chance of even the hope of the prospect of getting their own homeworld, and that they will most likely all end up dead.

Byron thanks her, but insists that they're going to stay here. He then tells her that he had her crawl through the shaft and risk her life so that he could tell her goodbye and ask her if she could validate his parking.

On Centauri Prime, G'Kar tells Londo that rescuing Na'Toth should be fairly easy, if they can just get her out of the cell without setting off any alarms, killing anyone, or having anyone notice that she's gone.

Just then a Centauri woman stops by to see if Londo wants to try on any of her clothes. She flirts with G'Kar a bit and then gives Londo her dress.

In Sheridan's office, The Drazi ambassador accuses the Brakiri of being the mysterious aliens that keep attacking Alliance ships, and he insists that he has proof. Then the Gaim ambassador accuses the Drazi of being the mysterious aliens, and says that he also has proof. Delenn decides that the ambassadors must not have ever read "Needful Things"

On Centauri Prime, Londo tells the guard outside Na'Toth's cell to wait three days and then wall up the entrance. The guard doesn't think anything unusual about this, because the Regent often issues similar orders.

Later, in Londo's quarters, Londo and Na'Toth argue over which one of them gets to wear the dress, but Na'Toth eventually wins, so Londo pretends to be drunk instead.

Back on Babylon 5, one of the telepaths spray paints "FREE BRYON" on one of the walls. One of the other telepaths points out that it's not spelled correctly, but it's too late to change it, so they decide to got get some weapons and kill people instead.

Meanwhile, Bester has arrived on the station, and shows up where the workers are trying to cut a hole in the wall. When he sees the worker that the telepaths have tricked into thinking there's a bomb in the wall, Bester reaches into his mind and convinces him that the bomb isn't in the wall, it's in his pants.

Bester promises Lochley that he won't hurt the telepaths until after he leaves the station, so she agrees that he can have them.

Suddenly, some of the telepaths attack and start shooting. Luckily, Lochley, Bester and Zack get out of the way, so some workers are killed instead. After the fighting is over, Bester comments how lucky they were that no telepaths were killed. This makes Zack really angry, but he realises that he's more angry at Byron, and besides they were only extras.

Meanwhile, Byron is upset because the telepaths are killing in his name, so Lyta asks him whose name he would rather they kill in.

In Sheridan's quarters, the Drazi, Brakiri and Gaim ambassadors are all angry because Sheridan won't let them attack each other, but he tells them to wait until the Alliance finds out who the mysterious aliens are, and then everyone can attack them instead.

Later, in her quarters, Lochley can't sleep because she's seen the promo for next week, and she's upset that someone is going to die, even though it looks like it might be Garibaldi.


Next Episode...

Episode 512: "Manics Rising"

in which the mysterious aliens take a break from attacking, Bester tries to capture Byron, and Sheridan decides that maybe Garibaldi isn't so important to the scheme of things after all.


Previous Episode...

Episode 509: " In the Kingdom of the Blithe"

in which Byron crashes an Alliance party, some more mysterious aliens attack and Londo learns that you don't have to be insane to run Centauri Prime but it helps.


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