cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies


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Episode 509: "In the Kingdom of the Blithe"

Garibaldi tries to tell Sheridan and Delenn about some more mysterious aliens that are attacking Alliance ships, but Sheridan isn't paying attention because he keeps trying to figure out why no one remembers anything that happened during last week's episode and how Londo and G'Kar can still be on Centauri Prime. Garibaldi says that last week's episode hasn't happened yet, but he only gets as far as explaining the NBA break, when Sheridan decides that the mysterious aliens are probably easier to understand. So he talks about them some more instead.

Meanwhile, on Centauri Prime, everyone is shocked to see Londo and G'Kar, mainly because G'Kar is a Narn, but also because they do remember last week's episode. Minister Vitari comments on Londo's bravery and sense of humour, and then offers to prepare a "special" room for G'Kar. G'Kar invites Vitari to dinner so he can try that new Spoo recipe from a few episodes ago.

On Babylon 5, Byron addresses all of the other telepaths to remind them how creepy it was when Lyta's eyes turned black, and to explain to them that he's worked out a terribly complex and elaborate way that the Vorlons and Shadows can be blamed for everything. He gets as far as describing their part in the great potato famine, when Lyta reminds him that the Vorlons and Shadows are gone, so he revises his theory a bit and blames everything on Sheridan and the Alliance instead.

Back on Centauri Prime, Londo's friend Lord Jano stops by so that G'Kar can search him, but he doesn't leave a tip. When Londo asks how the Regent is, Jano says that no one has seen him except his personal physician, a few aides, and of course all of the people who watch him dance naked in the courtyard every night singing Gilbert and Sullivan. Jano goes on to tell Londo that one night the Regent had such a bad hangover that he asked one of the guards to kill him. Londo is glad to hear this, since it means that the Regent has finally beaten his sobriety problem.

Unfortunately, Jano has even more disturbing news for Londo. It seems that odd bits of information (shipping reports, production figures, video game cheat codes, etc) have suddenly been reclassified as "Top Secret", and no one knows why. He says he's never felt such an overwhelming sense of dread and dispair, but Londo says that's only because he's never had G'Kar read to him.

When Lord Jano returns to his room, he discovers that the lights have gone, and the Regent has dropped by to kill him for having poor taste in curtains and riding around on the Emperor's shoulders as a child. The Regent goes on to explain that he would never want to see any harm come to Jano, and goes on to prove it by looking the other way as an unseen figure throws Jano against the wall.

Back on Babylon 5, the telepaths are playing follow-the-leader with the Alliance representatives, all except for Byron, who's gone to talk to Garibaldi about the big game of hide-and-go-seek he's got planned for next episode.

The next morning, on Centauri Prime, Londo and G'Kar show up looking for the Regent. Minister Vitari tells Londo that the Regent was up past his bedtime last night, and can't be disturbed. When Londo asks where Jano is, Vitari points out that he's not Lord Jano's keeper, but promises to inquire. After he leaves, Merv Griffin shows up and offers to let G'Kar live up to the episode title by whipping the guard who whipped him, but G'Kar decides to flirt with a Centauri woman instead. Suddenly, Vitari returns and tells Londo that he needs to come and see what a simply horrid colour Jano's curtains are.

When Londo and G'Kar arrive at Lord Jano's room, they are shocked to see that the room looks even worse than they had been led to believe, and that Lord Jano is hanging from the ceiling. After Vitari leaves, Londo and G'Kar both agree that Jano was not a man who would kill himself, even considering how truly awful his taste in decorating was.

Meanwhile, on Babylon 5, Garibaldi refuses to let Byron give his "Lyta's creepy black eyes" speech to the Alliance Council, so Byron scans his mind when he's not looking. After the scan, Byron says that he's seen a few scripts ahead and knows who the mysterious aliens are, but he'll only reveal the answer if he can tell the whole Alliance Council at once.

Later, Byron addresses the Council while Lyta gives each member a copy of the prospectus for "Telegoths, Inc.". He gets as far as explaining how Sheridan and the Alliance are responsible for the fall of Rome, when Lyta motions for him to hurry along, so he skips ahead to the present. Byron demands that the telepaths be given a home world, and goes on to warn them that the telepaths now know all of their secrets, including that thing Sheridan does with his socks and what Garibaldi's favourite thing in the universe is.

After the Council meeting, Garibaldi blames himself, but Sheridan tries to make him feel better by telling him that this probably would've happened even if he hadn't been so monumentally stupid. Delenn thinks that the telepaths may be right, mainly because she's always had her suspicions about that whole fall of Rome thing anyway. Garibaldi says he's just glad it hasn't turned violent yet, because then Lochley would show up and he doesn't think any of them would want that.

On Centauri Prime, Minister Vitari stops by Londo's quarters to tell him that the Regent will see him now, and to please proceed down this long dark deserted corridor. When Londo and G'Kar are attacked, G'Kar fights off the assassins so that Londo can run ahead and get trapped behind a huge vault door. Inside the room is Merv Griffin, who's going to kill Londo for recognising him. He throws a knife at Londo, but he's quite surprised when it turns around and kills him instead. Londo is also surprised, but is even more surprised when he turns around and sees that it was a strange alien with glowing red eyes that saved him.

Back on Babylon 5, Byron is annoyed because the telepaths won't do what he says so that he can help keep them from having to do what everyone tells them to do. When the telepaths suddenly become aware that one of them is being beaten by the Drazi for wearing purple and green together, the telepaths with short hair want to go help, but Byron says no. Eventually, they go anyway, and beat up the Drazi.

Later, Zack shows up to tell Sheridan that Lochley is really upset because the telepath situation is out of control, but that she didn't want to waste one of her contracted episodes on such a small scene, so she sent him instead. She wants Sheridan to go back on his word to the telepaths, so that she can arrest them, and since Delenn isn't there, he says okay.

Byron is trying to convince the telepaths to weld all of the doors shut and block all of the transport tubes so that they can starve, but the leader of the telepaths with short hair wants to split up and fight back instead. He starts into a long story about his childhood, but it isn't dark or depressing enough so Byron lets them go.

Meanwhile, Londo finally gets to see the Regent, who keeps hiding behind the throne, giggling and periodically mumbling "Redrum. Redrum". The Regent says that They saved Londo from the knife and that They like him. When Londo asks who They are, the Regent says he can't say because Londo will be emperor soon, but not to pay any attention to the missing ships and supplies and game codes. He then tells Londo to run around in the sunlight, eat lots of spicy foods, and laugh like a fool, just before he throws him out of the throne room.

Outside the throne room, G'Kar asks Londo what he found out, and Londo tells him, but doesn't mention the part about the spicy food, because Dr. Franklin has him on a very mild diet.

Later that night, Londo is lying in bed and, as a symbol of the improvement in Centauri-Narn relations, G'kar is sleeping on the floor at the foot of the bed. Londo wakes G'Kar up to tell him that they're going back to Babylon 5 tomorrow, so that they can be sure to get there before last week's episode.

Out in space, we see a Centauri ship attacking an Alliance ship, which pretty much solves one mystery, but still doesn't explain about those missing game codes.

On Babylon 5, Byron and Lyta have decided to go to bed, since they're in the middle of a major crisis, but Zack interrupts through the intercom and tells them that he knows exactly what they're doing in there and he doesn't like it one bit. He asks Lyta to come out, and then starts begging and pleading before somebody eventually has the mercy to take the microphone away from him and tell him to have a little dignity.

Then Byron tells Lyta that at some point he's going to ask her to leave him behind. She says she doesn't want to, but he explains that he can't be a very effective martyr if she stays and saves him, so she finally agrees.


Next Episode...

Episode 510: "An Angst of Telegoths"

in which the telepath problem gets worse and the mysterious aliens continue to attack, but G'Kar and Londo have tea and some really lovely biscuits.


Previous Episode...

Episode 511: " La Dia De Morden"

in which Penn and Teller visit Babylon 5 to warn Sheridan about the episode's mysterious author and some guest stars from past episodes return during an alien Mardi Gras.


cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies and the contents of this page are copyright 1998-2001 C. Scott Davis

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Babylon 5, characters, names, and all related indicia are trademarks of Time Warner Entertainment Co., LP. 1997 Time Warner Entertainment Co., LP.