cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies


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Episode 505: "A View from the Peanut Gallery"

Lochley suddenly realises that she slept through the last two episodes, so she rushes down to C&C to find out if anyone noticed. Nobody did, but she stays anyway since some aliens blew up one of her probes. She decides that the aliens will probably attack Babylon 5 next, because that's just the sort of thing aliens are likely to do. So she has a pep rally for her staff, but nobody cheers, so she threatens to beat up Sheridan and make him leave. The cameraman gets bored with Lochley's speech, so he starts following a couple of techs around instead.

While the techs try to get the station's Quake server back online, Lochley walks by with Sheridan and Delenn, so that she can yell at them. She wants Sheridan to leave before the aliens get here, because he made such a spectacle of himself the last time she had company, but he refuses to go. The techs, whose names are Bo and Mack even though nobody ever asked them, talk about Sheridan for awhile, but then since they can't figure out how to use the floor waxer, they decide to have lunch instead.

Their lunch is interrupted because Dr. Franklin can't get Windows 59 to install on his computer, which is a relief to Mack, because he was having spoo.

While Bo reboots his computer, Dr. Franklin decides that he wants to have a pep rally too, but it doesn't go very well, so he makes everybody leave. Bo asks him a question, but immmediately regrets it when Dr. Franklin starts talking about his childhood and how, when an enemy doctor saved his dad, he decided that he wanted to become a doctor too, so he could be shot by his own men.

Meanwhile, Mack is trying to fix a console in C&C when the aliens attack. Corwin is concerned that the aliens may be a threat to the station and that he won't be able to check his e-mail. Mack finds a bug in the software and fixes the console just in time so that Corwin is able to blow up the last enemy ship and find out that he could "earn 50,000 credits in just 1 to 3 months" and that "real live women are waiting to chat with someone just like him".

When Bo and Mack get on the lift, Lochley is there yelling at Garibaldi. She's mad because he didn't ask the aliens if they deliver pizza, but he tells her that if she'd read last week's "Spoiler" she'd realise that he didn't need to. She threatens to talk to Sheridan, but doesn't make it clear whether this will be before or after she beats him up.

Since more aliens are attacking the station, Bo and Mack decide to take a break and watch the battle. Bo explains that each red flash is the death of a pilot who ignored them and each green flash is the death of an alien who wants to kill them. Suddenly, a WhiteStar shows up to save the day, but it's too late because the aliens have already attached to the station and have decided to stay for dinner.

Bo and Mack try to take a lift, but it gets stuck and will only open on the floor where Security is fighting the aliens, who fortunately all wear bright red helmets. Bo and Mack hide until Bo punches one of the aliens and Mack shoots another one, so Zack yells at them at makes them leave.

Unfortunately, they stumble upon the telepaths, so they have to listen to Byron quote Shakespeare while he caresses an alien helmet. Eventually, he gets even more poetic and philosophical, so they start wondering if maybe it's not too late to go back to the fight and get killed. One of the aliens shows up to get the helmet, but Byron and the telepaths take over his mind and make him leave. Then Byron decides to show Bo what it would be like if he were an actual member of the cast, but not before getting another chance to use the new "Tell me that it matters to you" catch phrase.

Some time later, Bo and Mack are at a school gym where G'Kar and Londo are arguing because G'Kar is being too calm. G'Kar talks about his childhood for a while and Londo stops arguing because he's afraid G'Kar will start singing.

Bo and Mack get called to help put out a fire, but Sheridan stops them and tells them to help Delenn get to an escape pod instead. They just stand there and look uncomfortable, while Sheridan and Delenn kiss and the station burns. On the way to the pod, Delenn asks them their names, which surprises them so much they don't answer, so she asks them a technical question instead. When they explain to her why smashing the controls of the escape pod is a bad idea, she goes into a complicated hypothetical argument that if she will do it, she already has done it, so why do it at all, which confuses them just long enough for her to smile at them and avoid getting in the escape pod.

Suddenly, the rest of the WhiteStar fleet arrives to save the day and this time it's not too late. While they're watching the battle, Bo realises that Babylon 5 is bigger than they are (which is a good thing too, since they're inside it), and wonders why they're there, so Mack explains Harlan Ellison's concept to him, and they decide to get back to work.

Bo and Mack go to C&C to ask Captain Lochley to tell the cameraman to quit following them around. Lochley is busy yelling at Corwin because she's got company coming and the station's a mess. Mack tells Lochley that he thinks she's okay, which surprises her so much she doesn't even yell at him and he forgets to ask her about the cameraman.

Later, Bo and Mack are walking down the hall when Sheridan and Delenn walk by. Delenn says hello to them and calls them by name, which surprises them and Sheridan. Mack announces to Bo that he's in love with Delenn, but when Bo reminds him that the last guy that fell in love with her got sent off to Ranger school, he decides to go have some more spoo instead.


Next Episode...

Episode 506: "When a Ranger Calls"

in which a new guy decides to take over the station by stealing some of Delenn's Rangers and she tries to make him give them back.


Previous Episode...

Episode 504: "Let Paragons be Paragons"

in which G'Kar keeps trying to get a publishing deal and Garibaldi tries to figure out why having a large group of rogue telepaths on the station makes him so nervious.


cScott's Babylon 5 Parodies and the contents of this page are copyright 1998-2001 C. Scott Davis

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Babylon 5, characters, names, and all related indicia are trademarks of Time Warner Entertainment Co., LP. 1997 Time Warner Entertainment Co., LP.